Let’s Be Real

One of the things I deeply appreciated about the people in Scotland was the way they talked with my 6-year-old grandson Sebastian when we were there a couple of months ago. (How I love all the wonderful memories of times we shared!)

I noticed it first with Devon in his flat where we stayed the first three days in Edinburgh. He talked with Sebastian as if he were a peer, straight-across, with no hint of talking with him as a ‘child’.

This continued everywhere we went – Jim on the train from Inverness, a couple with their young daughter Sebastian met on the ferry, Angus who ran a lovely guesthouse where we stayed.

The difference was in their way of perceiving Sebastian, which came across in their tone of voice when they spoke with him. They respected him as an equal person of value.

Contrast this to the way I observe many people talk with young people here. Often it’s louder, kind of cutsie, more hyper or more ‘enthusiastic.’ It’s a different tone of voice and way of talking. It’s as if we need to talk this way in order for them to understand or hear us. Or to entertain them or get their attention.

With older children, we may talk more sternly, with more a tone of judgment or authority. Sometimes it’s a tone of exasperation or frustration. Or annoyance

It’s seldom as if they are our peers. We never talk with our adult friends the way we talk with our children.

You may be wondering how I can think of children as our peers. Obviously, they have not had the life experience we have had, which can be an asset or a liability, by the way. And there are times when we need to use our best judgment and be ‘the adult,’ but this doesn’t need to prevent us from treating young people as the capable, sensitive, brilliant people they naturally are.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I invite you to listen to yourself and the people around you. You’ll observe this way of talking with children. This has become our cultural norm. Sometimes I catch myself doing it with my grandchildren.

I have no idea how this cultural pattern started, although I’m sure it’s perpetuated because of our unrecognized limiting beliefs about who children are and that we see it all around us.

I see this tone of voice as a way we unintentionally talk down to children, somehow see them as less than us, less bright, less capable because they are younger. Then young people, being the sensitive, brilliant, aware people they naturally are, get our message and feel confused, shamed, uncertain, or resistant.

When we speak with our children in other than our normal speaking voice, we’re definitely not being our real selves, something our children dearly need and want from us. Being real with them allows us to more deeply and honestly connect with our precious young ones.

When I catch myself being the ‘adult’ with my grandchildren, I feel tension in my body and I realize I’m not being myself. I’m not feeling comfortable in my own skin.

Here are some things I’ve discovered that help:

1. Slowing down, taking slow deep breaths so I can be more present. When I’m racing around, focused on getting things done, I’m not really connecting with my grandchildren.

2. I try to stay aware of my own emotions, my tension in my body, my tone of voice so I can do something about it.

3. When I notice I’m talking with Sebastian and Madison as if they are ‘children,’ less capable than they are, not fully people, I take a deep breath or two, slow down, get in my body, look them in the eye, and show up as myself, honestly myself.

The beauty of being present and more fully myself is I experience my deep love for them and the joy of getting to be with them. They are wonderful and life is sweet!

I invite you to explore your tone of voice, how you communicate with young people in your life, and see what you discover.

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An Invitation to join “Our Children’s Inner Brilliance Community”

In writing this, I saw how rich a topic this is. There are so many discoveries and discussions we can have about this seemingly simple subject of our tone of voice when we talk with young people and what that is telling them.

If you’d like to continue this exploration and discussion, I invite you to join ‘Our Children’s Inner Brilliance Community.’ where we’ll explore this topic in the next couple of weeks.

This Community is for anyone who cares about nurturing the Inner Brilliance of our children and who wants to nurture them in being who they are.

Click here to learn more and join us now!

Adventure to Scotland + Exceptional Summer Camp for Girls

Adventure to Scotland

Several weeks ago I had this conversation with my 6.5-year-old grandson Sebastian…

Me: Sebastian, you know how I sometimes go to other countries and see and do new cool things? Well, I’m going to go traveling again in a few weeks, and I was wondering if you…

Sebastian: Yes! I want to go. I’ve not been to any other state than Colorado, and I want to see more.

Me: Ok. we’ll be going to another country and there will be a long plane flight.

Sebastian: That’s ok. I can hang with it.

And thus began the creation of our 2 – week adventure, which begins tomorrow. There were a few in-between conversations that I’ll share with you later.

I have our first 3 nights in Edinburgh booked and the last night before we fly home. The rest we are going to create together as we go. I have no idea how he’ll adjust to this kind of trip, what’s going to catch our eye and call us to stay another day.

I’ve got a basic itinerary planned based on what we both want to see. High on the list are castles, armour and weapons, Stones of Callanish, and a 5000-year-old Neolithic settlement on the Orkney Islands. High Adventure — my favorite kind.

I am thrilled to share this with him. Of course, Mommy and Daddy will miss him – and he them. I so appreciate and admire Orion and Nichola’s ability to set aside their own desires for themselves and to support Sebastian to have an amazing, life-changing experience.

I’d love to have you follow our adventures on Facebook. Click here to friend me on FB

Exceptional Camp for Girls

My friend and colleague Aby Ryan is the inspiration and founder of Athena Camps, a summer camp program in San Jose and Los Altos, designed to empower and build confidence in girls, ages 6 to 11 through self-expression and personal connections. Through successful experiences with sports and authentic creative expression, the girls flourish.

A program has to meet very high standards for me to recommend it. I have participated in a camp closing activity and helped with training the college-age coaches who work with the girls. I enthusiastically recommend Athena Camps to all parents who are passionate about nurturing their daughter’s Inner Brilliance.

I promise you and your cherished daughter will love it! I am so impressed with what Aby has created.

Click here to find out more about Athena Camps.

Happy trails!

Celebrating Inner Brilliance!
Connie

PS. Please forgive any typos. I’m in the middle of getting last-minute things done! 🙂

Play Dough ‘Ignited’ My Granddaughter!

I had the most wonderful experience with 3.5-year-old Madison yesterday that filled us both with such joy. In an email I received from The Artful Parent blog, I was reminded how much kids love play dough. Madi and I hadn’t played with it before, so I decided to make some with her.

After a pretty uneventful process of making it (she kept asking if she could taste it, remembering all the yummy things we have made previously!), we dumped all of it on a plastic tablecloth on the living room rug. Within moments, she began making a big, fat pancake with all of the dough and then folding it, every minute becoming more vibrant and animated.

Then she got the idea she’d like to cut it and ran into the kitchen to get ‘her knife,’ which cuts almost nothing but play dough. Together we made fudge and marshmallows, all of which had to be fed to her baby.

The entire time she was breathing more heavily than usual and sharing how much fun she was having. There was an intensity, a confidence, a certainty, a positive power I don’t think I’ve ever seen in her before, and she is not usually a cautious, held-back girl. She was passionately  ‘on fire’ and I was blown away.

Later when we got in the car, she told me, “Grandma, you are the most wonderful grandma I ever saw.” Said with heart-felt appreciation. The play dough was the perfect thing at the perfect time. I can hardly wait to play with her again!

Nurturing children’s Inner Brilliance is the most impactful, joyful gift we can give children, whether it looks like cutting play dough together, listening to their concerns or wants, or setting limits. When we focus on supporting our kids’ Inner Brilliance, we are on-track to bring out the very best in them.

If this is a priority for you also, I invite you to attend my FRE^E annual ‘Nurture Your Family Virtual Retreat’ where you’ll have the opportunity to explore ways you can nurture your child’s Inner Brilliance and create truly joyous relationships with him /her.

We’ll meet via a phone conference line and our three calls will be recorded.  By registering, you’ll be able to  get the recordings shortly after the retreat and listen and do the exercises at a convenient time for you.

Click here to find out more and to sign up.

Feel free to share this anyone whom you feel might be interested. Thanks so much for spreading the word!!

I’m sure you’ve had a similar, magical experience with a child.  Would you please share it with us ?

Every Child is Vulnerable to Bullying

I hope you’ve been enjoying my videos about bullying and that you’ve discovered new insights about some of the myths and causes of bullying.

You may believe that your child is doing fine socially and that bullying is unlikely to be a problem for her. Yet the painful truth is about 77% of children experience bullying of some kind -there are four different kinds – and almost 60% of children who are bullied never tell anyone, not even their parents.

Every child is vulnerable to being bullied. I see a few reasons for this.

First, as a human being, your child naturally needs and wants relationship and connection with others. Because of this, he is sensitive to how others treat him, what others think and say about him, whether that is kind and accepting or if it is abusive and shaming.

Secondly, your child may tolerate being abused to fit in and be included. Just to feel he has some connection with others. He may choose to give up his own power because of how he has learned to survive in relationship with others.

Thirdly, our society doesn’t really acknowledge or understand emotions very well. As parents, educators and society, we don’t know how to recognize emotional problems or how to respond. Almost everyone wrestles with finding emotional well-being. This applies to your child and everyone in his world. Thus, the possibility of an emotionally hurting child doing something abusive to your child.

As a parent who really wants to be a good parent, I know you want to do the very best for your child and to help him have the inner strength to either prevent being bullied or to respond to it in a way that empowers him.

In my teleclass next week “How to Bully-Proof Your Child and What to Do If It Happens,” you’ll learn how to help your child be:

  • so emotionally healthy and resilient he is not a good target. His feelings of internal power and self-respect are intact. He knows who he is, feels self-confident, and is not easily intimidated or belittled by others.
  • so emotionally strong and empowered within she have no need to bully others to prove herself
  • so connected to her own inner strength and compassion for others she make kind, courageous choices to be kind to others.

If you want this for your child, I invite you to join us next Wednesday, September 25 to discover new insights and tools to help your child be bully-proof from the inside out. This class is affordable and parent-friendly.

Click here now to sign-up or to get more info

Remember, even if you’re busy that night, you can still get this life-changing information for yourself and your child. The call will be recorded, and I will send the recording shortly after the class, plus a transcript of the call shortly a few days later.
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If you haven’t had a chance to watch the first five videos in the series, here are the links:

Myth-Busting Bullying: How Big a Problem Is It Really?

Myth-Busting Bullying: What’s It Really All About?

Myth-Busting Bullying:The Bully is Not the Bad Guy

Myth-Busting Bullying: These Strategies Don’t Work

Myth-Busting Bullying: These Strategies Don’t Work

Just a quick note to let you know I’ve posted  new videos in my series “Myth-Busting Bullying.” I hope you have had chance to watch the first three in the series. If not, I’ve listed the links to those videos at the end of this email.

The Good News about bullying is that many parents, educators and community leaders care deeply about the high price of bullying to a child’s self-esteem and are taking action to try to stop this problem that keeps growing.

The Bad News is that many of their efforts are based on faulty understanding about children, bullying, it’s causes and what to do about it. Well-intentioned experts are doing the best they can, yet much of their attention is on the ‘bully” and the “bystanders,’ and their strategies are often based on false assumptions about how to prevent bullying.

In today’s two videos, I share 3 common strategies to stop bullying between children, yet each one has limited effectiveness.

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If you have questions or concerns about bullying and you want practical, do-able strategies that work, you’ll love my class “How to Bully-Proof Your Child and What to Do If It Happens.”

Click here to get more info and register now!

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If you haven’t had a chance to watch the first two videos in the series, here are the links:

Myth-Busting Bullying: How Big a Problem Is It Really?

Myth-Busting Bullying: What’s It Really All About?

Myth-Busting Bullying:The Bully is Not the Bad Guy

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Here is the first video:  Myth-Busting Bullying: These Strategies Don’t Work

Here is the 2nd video: Myth-Busting Bullying: Make More Rules and Policies?