How Far Do You Trust Your Child?

Today 14-year-old Laura Dekker of the Netherlands set sail from Portugal in her yacht Guppy with a goal of being the youngest person to sail around the world SOLO.

16-year-old Austrailian Jesse Watson completed her journey today in Sydney just as Dekkar set out.

Most everyone has an opinion. What are her parents thinking? What a brave girl! I hope she makes it.

Some “experts” say Jesse Watson actually didn’t sail enough nautical miles to be technically considered as circumnavigating the world. Others claim she didn’t really do it solo because she had to dock for repairs and have others help her. This is pettyness speaking.

In the midst of all the controversy, I think we’re missing the most important issues.

These young women demonstrate profound trust and confidence in themselves and in their skill to accomplish such an amazing goal. Both they and their parents show extraordinary courage.

To most of us, no matter our age, the idea of sailing solo around the world seems daunting, if not down right impossible. Most of us would be too fearful and filled with self-doubt to consider such an adventure, even if we did know how to sail.

Their moms and dads have to have gut-wrenching trust in their daughters’ abilities and resourcefulness. I’m sure they cringe inside and pray for their daugher’s safety continuously. Yet you have to give them and their daughters credit.

Why can’t we be amazed and inspired by their actions and then choose to allow our children and ourselves to take more risks?

The second important issue is that we dramatically under-estimate what our children are capable of. When we let our fears and inability to allow our children to try the seemingly impossible, we limit them not only in the moment but also for a life-time.

Yes, I know it’s scary to step beyond the bounds of familiarity and comfort, yet this is what creates aliveness, creativity and joy in living.

When I coach parents about their parenting concerns and challenges, one thing is profoundly clear: parents love their children. This great love wants to protect their child and prevent anything bad or painful from happening to him.

Yet every time you let your fear limit your child, something bad and painful is happening to her. The damage is beneath the surface in her lack of what I call Emotional Wholeness and doesn’t show as much as a scratched hand or bump on the head.

I’m not advocating foolish choices when it comes to your child’s physical well-being yet too often I see parents rushing to protect their child from getting his feet wet, falling on a steep hill, or getting in trouble while out with his friends.

It is a skinny edge to walk. Most of us struggle with taking risks in our own lives, and we unintentionally discourage our child’s courage and desire to push the limits of her capabilities.

Yet in this edge, there is freedom, joy, self-expression, and full-out aliveness.

I know. I walked this edge as my son was growing up. I’ve done life-threatening things myself. Yet they are some of my fondest memories. They have contributed mightily to who I am. When we stretch the edge of what we perceive as our capabilities, we grow and expand as people. We become more.

Look closely at this photo of Laura Dekker. What do you the light in her eyes? The confidence and joy in her smile? Her comfort being in her own skin? These are essential qualities for all of us if we are to be fully who we are and to live our lives joyously and abundantly.

Watch yourself during the next week and find those places where you can stretch your comfort zone when it comes to your child (and yourself ). See if you can let go of the reins just a little and see what actually happens – both for your child and your relationship together.