Ever thought about the difference between reacting and responding?

As it turns out, the answer to this question is very important to the quality of life we live. With my Nurture Your Family Retreat coming up this Saturday, I’ve been thinking a lot about this subject.

Most of the time we go through our day reacting quickly and emotionally to all the stimuli and influences that come our way. We have lots on our minds, lots to do. We seldom pause to reflect and consider our many possible perceptions and choices. We seldom have an intention or focus for our words and actions.

Yet these very words and actions make a big impact in our relationships with those we love the most. They affect the kind of reaction we get from others and how they see us. How they relate with us. The closeness we have with them. Our words and choices have the power to bring us more joy or more discomfort and hurt.

When we respond, we bring more consciousness and clarity into our choices, actions and words.  We have a thoughtful, heart-centered focus, a priority from which we act. This becomes our guiding light as we connect with others. When we have more awareness, our love becomes more effective in creating true closeness.

When we respond, we create more joy, more love with our family.  There are fewer conflicts and misunderstandings. Difficulties can be worked out more easily. We create relationships based on trust and honesty, where we can authentically be ourselves.

Reacting comes so quickly and easily. We don’t have to consider or listen deeply. It’s so easy to forget to pause before we react.

Here are three effective steps you can take to increase your respons-ability.

  1. Observe your interactions and emotional reactions with others. What patterns do you see?
  2. Pause. Create time to reflect on what you really want for yourself and each person in your family.
  3. Create a focus for yourself, the ground on which you choose to stand as you go through your day and when things get rocky. Practice feeling this ground moment to moment.

My upcoming Nurture Your Family Retreat gives you this time to pause. Sometimes we need someone to hold our feet to the floor so we don’t get distracted. The retreat is an opportunity to focus.

The retreat also provides a structure that guides you to reflect. Perhaps you will consider new questions you have never asked yourself before. Looking from new perspectives expands what you can see.

Meeting and sharing in a group is more powerful than sitting by yourself. Another parent may share an experience or insight that inspires new awareness for you.

My Nurture Your Family Retreat is only a two hour investment, and it can give you a whole year of joy for 2016 and for a lifetime.

Your relationships with yourself and with your family are too important to leave to your emotional reactions. I invite you to invest in yourself and your family by joining us in retreat.

Here are the details.

Date: this Saturday, January 30

Cost: Fr*ee. My gift to you

To sign up, simply go here.

If you can’t be on the call live, sign up anyway so you can do this in a time convenient for you.

I hope you can join us. Invite your partner, your parents, your friends and family. Create magic!

Love,
Connie

You are the expert!

Note: This is the first part in a series on being an advocate for your child in school, from preschool to high school.

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If you’re a parent with a child in school, you’re probably gearing up for the coming school months. Ever notice the impact school has on your family and your communication with your child? How are you feeling about the start of school this year? How does your child feel?

Do you and your child feel more pressure and stress than during the summer or are you both excited?

My grandson just began first grade, and Orion, his wonderful daddy, has already visited Sebastian’s first grade class, and it’s just the first week of school. Sebastian’s new teacher has a Fly-On-The-Wall sign-up sheet so parents can visit the classroom early in the year. This is a great idea.

Orion made some important observations, and he’s going back to help in the classroom and to continue to observe. Knowing what’s happening with Sebastian while he’s at school is important to him.

Every parent needs to know what’s happening in their child’s classroom. Not just what the children are studying but what does it feel like to be in this classroom. Is the teacher genuinely kind? Is your child happy?

In my experience as a teacher and coach to parents and young people, I often see parents go along with the program, trusting the school staff, seeing them as the experts, and trying to implement what they have been directed to do, seldom questioning what is happening.

Even though school staff tell you what they want you to do, it is essential to research and evaluate for yourself and to make your child’s emotional and physical well-being your highest priority. Is your child flourishing at school, struggling, or just getting by?

Every child is born filled with a drive to learn and succeed in life, according to her Inner Brilliance, her inner knowing of what is best for her. What makes her heart sing. Your child is a natural born learner and no amount of ‘teaching’ can ‘teach’ her to learn.

It’s vitally important for parents to know and experience what their child experiences in the classroom for many hours a day, 5 days a week.

Schools are big places and often feel threatening and intimidating to young people of all ages. Children often see themselves as powerless and believe they need to conform and do what teachers tell them. They don’t know how or if they can speak up for themselves.

This is why she needs you, her parent, grandparent, or caretaker, to be her advocate, to look out for her and ‘have herr back.’ Many educators mean well, yet that doesn’t mean what they are doing or wanting what is best for your child.

It’s your job to pay attention, not in a paranoid, judgmental way, but by being conscious and aware of your child’s school environment.

Here are the three most important things to look for:

1. Does the teacher genuinely like and enjoy young people? Secondly and most important, does she like, admire and appreciate your child? Listen closely. Does she see wonderfulness in him?

As we all know, there are teachers who deeply care about children and enjoy their natural capabilities and brilliance. And there are teachers who only want children to do what they are told and to follow instructions without questioning.

Being a teacher is tough, given the standards and demands put on them by the government to follow the government’s mandates.

2.Does the teacher create a stimulating learning environment? Is your child curious and eagerly engaged in the classroom activities? Is she is eager to go to school every morning?

Children are hard-wired to succeed and to learn, and they do so with eagerness, joy, and curiosity. Is this how your child participates in his class? When he does his homework? Is he on-fire with learning the material and doing the assignments? Is he eager to tell you what he learned?

If not, this is a red flag the teacher is not creating a learning environment that nurtures your child.

3. Does the teacher create an environment in which your child feels emotionally and physically safe?

This is a big one and so seldom noticed. Bullying is bringing the extreme part of this to everyone’s attention, yet I have observed that school is often emotionally and even physically uncomfortable for children

Remember what it was like for you when you were in school? Did you feel you could be yourself and speak up? Was the teacher someone you deeply trusted and enjoyed? Was it comfortable having to sit still in those wooden chairs and be quiet for long periods of time?

Your child spends many hours in their school environment and is counting on you to be as diligent and selective about what is happening at school as you are at home.

I invite you to be your child’s biggest advocate this year, instead of an extension of the school. 

You are the expert and the one who cares most when it comes to your child.

Parent Job Description: School Advocate

Note: This is the first part in a series on being an advocate for your child in school.

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If you’re a parent with a child in school, you’re probably gearing up for the coming months. Ever notice the impact school has on your family and your communication with your child? How are you feeling about the start of school this year? How does your child feel? What about 6 weeks from now?

My grandson just began first grade, and Orion, his wonderful daddy, has already visited Sebastian’s first grade class, and it’s just the first week of school. Sebastian’s new teacher has a Fly-On-The-Wall sign-up sheet so parents can visit the classroom early in the year. This is a great idea.

Orion made some important observations, and he’s going back to help in the classroom and to continue to observe. Knowing what’s happening with Sebastian while he’s at school is important to him.

Every parent needs to know what’s happening in their child’s classroom. Not just what the children are studying but what does it feel like to be in this classroom. Is the teacher genuinely kind? Is your child happy?

In my experience as a teacher and coach to parents and young people, I often see parents go along with the program, trusting the school staff, seeing them as the experts, and trying to implement what they have been directed to do, seldom questioning what is happening.

Even though school staff tell you what they want you to do, it is essential to research and evaluate for yourself and to make your child’s emotional and physical well-being your highest priority. Is your child flourishing at school, struggling, or just getting by?

Every child is born filled with a drive to learn and succeed in life, according to her Inner Brilliance, her inner knowing of what is best for her. What makes her heart sing. Your child is a natural born learner and no amount of ‘teaching’ can ‘teach’ her to learn.

It’s vitally important for parents to know and experience what their child experiences in the classroom for many hours a day, 5 days a week.

Schools are big places and often feel threatening and intimidating to young people of all ages. Children often see themselves as powerless and believe they need to conform and do what teachers tell them. They don’t know how or if they can speak up for themselves.

This is why they need you, their parent, grandparent, or caretaker, to be their advocate, to look out for them and ‘have their back.’ Many educators mean well, yet that doesn’t mean what they are doing or wanting what is best for your child.

It’s your job to pay attention, not in a paranoid, judgmental way, but by being conscious and aware of your child’s school environment.

Here are the three most important things to look for:

1. Does the teacher(s) genuinely like and enjoy young people? Secondly and most important, does she like, admire and appreciate your child? Does she see wonderfulness in him?

As we all know, there are teachers who deeply care about children and enjoy their natural capabilities and brilliance. And there are teachers who only want children to do what they are told and to follow instructions without questioning.

2.Does the teacher create a stimulating learning environment? Is your child curious and eagerly engaged in the classroom activities? Is she is eager to go to school every morning?

Children are hard-wired to succeed and to learn, and they do so with eagerness, joy, and curiosity. Is this how your child participates in his class? When he does his homework? Is he on-fire with learning the material and doing the assignments? Is he eager to tell you what he learned?

If not, this is a red flag the teacher is not creating a learning environment that nurtures your child.

3. Does the teacher create an environment in which your child feels emotionally and physically safe?

This is a big one and so seldom noticed. Bullying is bringing the extreme part of this to everyone’s attention, yet I have observed that school is often emotionally and even physically uncomfortable for children

Remember what it was like for you when you were in school? Did you feel you could be yourself and speak up? Was the teacher someone you deeply trusted and enjoyed? Was it comfortable having to sit still in those wooden chairs and be quiet for long periods of time?

Your child spends many hours in their school environment and is counting on you to be as diligent and selective about what is happening at school as you are at home.

I invite you to be your child’s biggest advocate this year, instead of an extension of the school. 

You are the expert and the one who cares most when it comes to your child.

Risk of Raising a ‘Good’ Child

My husband Doug and I just returned from taking our almost 5-year-old grandson Sebastian camping in the Sierras for 6 days. What a glorious time we had!! He was happy and exploring at least 99.9% of the time. We visited Yosemite and hiked almost to the top of Vernal Falls. He was the youngest one up so high.

A major highlight for Sebastian was visiting a ghost town – Bodie – east of the Sierra Mountains. I loved seeing him confidently, eagerly running around to a large piece of old mining equipment and then to an old building that caught his eye, and then o to the next thing.

Then camping by a lovely mountain stream where he and Doug were wading and adventuring for most of the morning. We have so many wonderful memories.

Watch for This!

I have a special treat planned for you in two weeks. I’ll let you know more about it next Monday so watch for my announcement!

Today’s video – “The Risk of Raising a ‘Good Child’

Does raising a ‘good’ child make you feel more comfortable and that you are doing a good job as a parent?

Does it feel less risky?

This is the way many parents feel. If this is you, I recommend you take a closer look. Trying to raise a well-behaved child is fraught with often unrecognized risks that limit your child’s self-confidence and emotional well-being.

Today’s video tells you the most significant risks to your child both now and in the future.

Again, be sure to watch for my announcement next week so you can learn about my surprise for you! If you haven’t signed up to receive all updates to my blog, you can sign up now in the top left corner “Subscribe”.

In the meantime, here’s wishing you a joyous week with your child!

Happy Trails!

To your Joyous Family!
Connie

Doing It ‘Right’ as a Parent

Do you ever find yourself wondering the right thing to do with your child to resolve a challenge or to help him learn something important?

This short video gives you powerful new questions to make your best decisions.

When do you struggle to find the “right” answer in relating with your child? You can share your answers below in Comments.