Academic Pressure on Your Child – Most Common Parenting Mistake

Whether your child is an ‘A’ student or is struggling to ‘pass,’ she daily experiences pressure to perform and meet academic expectations. If she honestly loves school and is relaxed and happy in that environment because school comes easily for her, then she’s probably doing okay.

This is not the case for most children. Most children struggle in one way or another with the pressure to get good grades, learn math and science, to pass the tests, to be the best in their class, to never make a mistake.

If you’re like most parents, the most common and biggest mistake you may make regarding the academic pressure placed on your child is to ignore it. That’s right…ignoring it.

The most powerful antidote to academic pressure to perform in school is a great relationship with your child. With an emotionally close, honest relationship with your child, your child will talk with you about her struggles, her feelings, and you’re there to listen with an open, accepting, loving heart.

From here, the problems of the world can be solved…

Are you struggling or concerned about a school-related issue? If you’d like some new ideas and strategies that will help you resolve these challenges, check out my new teleclass series:  “The Fast Track to Solving the Day-to-Day Challenges of Helping Your Child Succeed in School.”

School is a High-Pressure Activity for Children

Children are natural learners as witnessed by their amazing ability to learn to walk, talk, reason, figure things out, imagine new realities – all by the age of 3 and without the benefit of a ‘credentialed teacher.’ Children are naturally curious and are hard-wired to learn and to want to learn.

Yet research shows that by 3rd grade most children have lost their love of learning, their innate drive to learn. Why is this? What happens in school that makes it limiting of chilldren’s natural desires and abilities?

Schools get a lot of criticism these days, mostly because students are not learning so we’re placing more pressure on schools to produce academically. Schools feel the need to teach to the test, everyone working toward the seemingly all-important test scores.

Yet I believe that the biggest determiner of a child’s ability to learn and ultimately succeed in life is their Emotional Wholeness, their emotional well-being, their confidence, connection with themselves and others, and their love of learning, not their grades or test scores.

Schools place demands, expectations and challenging situations on children, which take them away from their natural abilities to learn. I’m concerned that many of the ‘high expectations’ can actually be a deterrent to a child’s happiness and ability and desire to learn.

The other day I started thinking about all the ways that children feel pressure by participation in school. Here are the ones I’ve thought of so far and not in any particular order. Please add your own to this list.

Important Note: I am not saying these apply to all schools. There are many innovative, child-centered programs. Still, I believe all of the following are cause for concern.

~ Dealing with lots of people and social interaction within a relatively small space, aka ‘crowding’

~ Have to sit in desks, uninteresting circle times for often long periods of time – even if you love to move, need to move to learn and be happy.

~ Pressure to conform and fit in with her peers so it is difficult to be himself

~ Expectations to learn information up to specified standard within a given time frame, whether it is interesting to you or not, whether it is easy or difficult

~ Expectations to master skills and information even when not developmentally ready

~ Pressure to earn high grades from teachers and fellow students [Read more…]

Grades Aren’t Everything!

I was talking with a therapist friend and colleague recently. She shared with me how much busier she is now that school has started. Children and parents are both feeling the increased pressure and stress of a school schedule  and all its responsibilities.

We lamented how hurtful and high-pressure school is for children of all ages. She shared with me that even young people whom she counseled during the summer show increased signs of stress and anxiety.

Pressure, stress and worry are simply not good for your child. No matter what the motivation behind it. This includes all children, whether your child is the A student or the one who is struggling to get a passing grade.

Schools are mandated to help your child learn, to teach her the information and skills she needs to succeed in our society. The No Child Left Behind Act places dramatically more pressure on teachers and schools to reach specific academic standards. This pressure is  passed on to your child.

Children are being forced to grow up too quickly. They need play time, down time, time to listen and connect with themselves. David Elkind talks about this in all of his books, including The Hurried Child.

You most likely agree with this. So what can you do? [Read more…]

How Far Do You Trust Your Child?

Today 14-year-old Laura Dekker of the Netherlands set sail from Portugal in her yacht Guppy with a goal of being the youngest person to sail around the world SOLO.

16-year-old Austrailian Jesse Watson completed her journey today in Sydney just as Dekkar set out.

Most everyone has an opinion. What are her parents thinking? What a brave girl! I hope she makes it.

Some “experts” say Jesse Watson actually didn’t sail enough nautical miles to be technically considered as circumnavigating the world. Others claim she didn’t really do it solo because she had to dock for repairs and have others help her. This is pettyness speaking.

In the midst of all the controversy, I think we’re missing the most important issues.

These young women demonstrate profound trust and confidence in themselves and in their skill to accomplish such an amazing goal. Both they and their parents show extraordinary courage.

To most of us, no matter our age, the idea of sailing solo around the world seems daunting, if not down right impossible. Most of us would be too fearful and filled with self-doubt to consider such an adventure, even if we did know how to sail.

Their moms and dads have to have gut-wrenching trust in their daughters’ abilities and resourcefulness. I’m sure they cringe inside and pray for their daugher’s safety continuously. Yet you have to give them and their daughters credit.

Why can’t we be amazed and inspired by their actions and then choose to allow our children and ourselves to take more risks?

The second important issue is that we dramatically under-estimate what our children are capable of. When we let our fears and inability to allow our children to try the seemingly impossible, we limit them not only in the moment but also for a life-time. [Read more…]

Play with Your Child!

Having fun time with your child is hugely important to both you and your child. Yet in our busy lives, it’s easy to forget to make time and to let the moment go by.

When I watch my wonderful son Orion play with his son Sebastian, I love seeing how much fun they’re having together. I decided to talk with Orion about these fun times with his son to see what I could learn.

In the video below, I interview Orion about the difference it makes in his life and in his relationship with Sebastian and with his experience of being a dad.

I recommend you take a few minutes to listen in. After the call, I realized I had learned something important about myself and my relationships, including the one with my grandson.

What Orion has to share about having fun can impact your entire life, if you really think about what he is saying.

Enjoy!

If you’d like to discover Orion’s personal guidelines of how he creates fun, playful times with his son, become a member of my Joyous Family Coaching Circle and join us on our August Family Empowerment Call!