For Dads…and the Women Who Love Them

I’m delighted to talk with you again. Our home remodel is complete – new hardwood floors and new lovely, warm colors, and more of our incredible granite in the bathroom! You can tell I love it!! Now all that’s left is unpacking a few more boxes.

My husband Doug and I also took a 6-day camping trip in the Sierra Mountains of Eastern California two weeks ago, discovering spectacular new territory, hiking, and enjoying the breath-taking beauty and peace of Mother Earth.

I hope you’re spending time with your child in nature this summer. It’s good for you and your child. It’s the perfect place to have spontaneous meaningful conversations.

I have a new video for you that I am really excited about! Of course, I’m excited about all of them, and this one is especially dear to my heart.

The emotional connection between you and your partner makes a profound impact in your child’s life, probably more than you realize. I designed this short video to give you powerful insights to deepen your partnership and communication.

A dear friend and colleague Meryn Callendar is about to release a book in which my son Orion and I contributed “Why Dads Leave: Insights and Resources for When Partners Become Parents” that addresses this topic more deeply. I’ll let you know when it is released. It is a must-read!

Feel free to share the video with your partner and other dads you know. I especially recommend sharing it with your partner, whether male or female.

What do you do to keep your emotional connection with your partner strong and flourishing? Please tell us in the comments section below. You just might give someone else an idea that will make a big difference to them. That’s one of the values of community.

Secret to Being More Patient with Your Child

I hope you and your family are enjoying the start of summer! My husband and I are deeply into a remodel of our home – the offices and bedroom – all of which have closets with lots of stuff. It’s expanded into a bigger project than we anticipated — doesn’t it often? — and we are making good progress and love how it is looking.

Today’s Video

Every parent gets frustrated and angry with their child from time to time, and you say or do something you later regret. What makes the difference in its impact on your child and in your relationship are how frequently you become upset and how intensely.

It’s important to remember how emotionally sensitive your child is. Yes, even your surly teen. In fact, your child is probably more aware of your up-tightness than you are. What you say and do affects your child’s self-confidence and his connection with you more deeply than you probably realize. This one is crucial!

Today’s short video gives you the most important step to being more patient with your child. Without this step, you will continually try to control and manage your anger without getting to its root causes and making the long term changes you desire.

If you have any questions, please let me know. I love hearing from you and want you and your child to love your joyous time together! Write your question in the ‘Comment’ section or send me an email.

Fun Family Photos – Easter 2011

Okay, we had a great time in Mendocino over Easter weekend. I tried to choose just a few photos and I simply could not post any fewer. I love so many of them!

I love sharing my family with you!

What to Do When Moms and Dads Disagree about their Child’s Tantrums

Johnny is on the floor screaming and crying. Your teen just stormed to her room after yelling at you. Tommy put his head on the table and refuses to talk to you.

Your child’s tantrums and emotional upsets are never fun. But they become even more complicated and challenging when you and your partner don’t see eye-to-eye on how to respond to these already difficult moments.

Usually moms and dads fall on opposite ends of the spectrum. One believes in firm rules, structure and discipline. The other is more flexible and interested in making sure their child is happy.

Because tantrums are such emotionally-charged situations, it’s easy for you and your partner to get your own emotions triggered. You lose your cool and become frustrated or angry about the way your partner just handled your child’s emotional upset.

You may believe your partner is too harsh and critical. Your partner believes your child needs more structure and that you’re letting your child walk all over you and perhaps even encourages the tantrums.

It’s important to your child and to your family’s emotional well-being that you and your partner work together, that you are equal, loving partners with one another.

Here are some quick tips to help you work things out –

1. Remember neither of you nor your partner is wrong. When it comes to parenting, the important question is not right or wrong. The important question is how can we make this work. [Read more…]

How is Technology Affecting Your Child?

Parents often share with me their concern about their child’s frequent use of technology, their seeming ‘addiction’ to all things virtual – texting, video games, instant messaging, cell phones, game boys in addition to TV and movies.

Recently I came across an article about children and technology by child psychologist and author David Elkind of Tufts University. I’ve always had great respect, affinity and admiration for his ideas and teachings.

In his article, Elkind reflects on the many changes a child experiences because of our technological society…the focus on speed in making things happen, general cultural changes of feeling busier and more rushed to get things done.

Cell phones and IM that feed into the divide between children and their parents because they have easy and immediate access to friends 24 / 7.

Before the digital culture, there was a language and lore of childhood – games, songs, rhymes, stories passed down verbally from generation to generation. Remember “The Itsy, Bitsy Spider?” Now young people have access to information from all over the world with little need or time for such ‘silly games.’

One of the things that most concerns me is the loss of 8 – 12 hours per week of unstructured play and outdoor pastimes. Elkind reminds us “spontaneous play allows children to use their imagination, make and break rules, socialize with each other…nurtures their autonomy and originality.”

These are hugely essential developmental experiences and skills that naturally develop problem-solving skills, social skills, self-expression, deep connection to one’s self, and creativity. If we limit these in our children, we “dumb them down” as author-educator John Taylor Gatto would say, and advance a mindless lack of awareness of self, others, and the realities of life. [Read more…]