Back to Basics

When Doug and I were ending our fun, relaxing adventure in Vietnam several weeks ago, I looked forward to easing back into our life in California. No push, simply enjoying.

But this was not to be. A series of unexpected events – getting sick from the food on the flight home, complications purchasing the ranch where we board our horses, and a very sick, much-loved kitty – all combined to make for a hugely stressful, painful time for me. I am just now beginning to get my feet under me and in a stronger, more joyous way.

During those overwhelming days, I discovered a lot about myself, my beliefs and fears, and how I live my life, some that were not so fun to look at. The bottom line is I have chosen to get back to basics, to what’s really important to me, and to lay an even more solid foundation for myself.

You see, what really matters most to me is to have fun, be happy, live true to who I am, and to deeply enjoy and cherish the much-loved people in my life.

Losing our precious Momma Kat brought me to my knees and taught me so much. During her lifetime, she chose to move from being a feral cat who barely let us see her, to having kittens in our tack room at the ranch, to her living contentedly in our home with us. Our time together was filled with powerful, heart-touching memories.

Yet there were too many times I took her for granted, didn’t pet her as much as we both wanted, didn’t make the time. And now she’s gone…no more second chances or tomorrows. Makes my heart hurt.

I spent many loving, heart-fulfilling hours with her during the last 11 years and especially during those last few weeks as she purred contentedly . Now I’m learning to accept the missed opportunities and to treasure our memories and time shared. What a precious kitty she was!

I don’t want to repeat this pattern again! Throughout the years, I’ve done this too many times, suddenly losing someone dear to me and feeling I didn’t enjoy and love them enough while they were still here.

I am a creative person. I love imagining and creating fun experiences. I love all the wondrousness of life! Yet, too often, those joyous ‘to do’s’ become ‘have to’s’, the joy gone, and I’m not present with my loved ones as much as I truly want.

I observe most of us go through life believing there will be a tomorrow. That our wonderful son, daughter, partner, parent, ourselves, will still be here tomorrow. Just as they are today.

But life doesn’t work like that. None us truly know what the next moment will bring. We anesthetize ourselves to this reality by ignoring it, assuming someone, a way of life will still be there when we awaken the next day.

I’m taking an honest look at my life. What matters most to me. Who and what would I most miss or regret if it were gone in the next breath?

At the top of my list are my happiness and  my wonderful family, including our kitty Cassie and our horses Destiny and Echo, and I’m making these a full-on priority.

It’s so easy to be busy. To fill our lives, our children’s lives, our partners lives with things to do and people to see. It’s so easy to take loved ones for granted, to tolerate things and situations we don’t really enjoy or that diminish our aliveness, to get caught in unwanted patterns that repeat over and over.

We thought . . . life by analogy was a journey, was a pilgrimage, which had a serious purpose at the end. And the thing was to get to that end. Success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you’re dead. But we missed the point the whole way along. It was a musical thing, and you were supposed to sing, or to dance, while the music was being played. – Alan Watts

I invite you to join me in ‘singing and dancing while the music plays. and asking the really important questions.

What matters most to you?  Whom do you want to love and treasure more? What are you going to do differently to live your life more fully? 

 

Myth-Busting Bullying: The Heart and Soul of Bullying

Do you ever stop to consider why kids do and say such mean things to each other? Most parents I talk with about this question shrug their shoulders and reply, ‘I don’t’ know” and dismiss them as ‘mean kids.’

If you’ve been following this series, you know the bully is not the ‘bad guy.’ I find when you simplify things to their most basic and most essential, you discover there are two underlying causes to the bullying trouble.

Here is the last in the series:

Every Child is Vulnerable to Bullying

I hope you’ve been enjoying my videos about bullying and that you’ve discovered new insights about some of the myths and causes of bullying.

You may believe that your child is doing fine socially and that bullying is unlikely to be a problem for her. Yet the painful truth is about 77% of children experience bullying of some kind -there are four different kinds – and almost 60% of children who are bullied never tell anyone, not even their parents.

Every child is vulnerable to being bullied. I see a few reasons for this.

First, as a human being, your child naturally needs and wants relationship and connection with others. Because of this, he is sensitive to how others treat him, what others think and say about him, whether that is kind and accepting or if it is abusive and shaming.

Secondly, your child may tolerate being abused to fit in and be included. Just to feel he has some connection with others. He may choose to give up his own power because of how he has learned to survive in relationship with others.

Thirdly, our society doesn’t really acknowledge or understand emotions very well. As parents, educators and society, we don’t know how to recognize emotional problems or how to respond. Almost everyone wrestles with finding emotional well-being. This applies to your child and everyone in his world. Thus, the possibility of an emotionally hurting child doing something abusive to your child.

As a parent who really wants to be a good parent, I know you want to do the very best for your child and to help him have the inner strength to either prevent being bullied or to respond to it in a way that empowers him.

In my teleclass next week “How to Bully-Proof Your Child and What to Do If It Happens,” you’ll learn how to help your child be:

  • so emotionally healthy and resilient he is not a good target. His feelings of internal power and self-respect are intact. He knows who he is, feels self-confident, and is not easily intimidated or belittled by others.
  • so emotionally strong and empowered within she have no need to bully others to prove herself
  • so connected to her own inner strength and compassion for others she make kind, courageous choices to be kind to others.

If you want this for your child, I invite you to join us next Wednesday, September 25 to discover new insights and tools to help your child be bully-proof from the inside out. This class is affordable and parent-friendly.

Click here now to sign-up or to get more info

Remember, even if you’re busy that night, you can still get this life-changing information for yourself and your child. The call will be recorded, and I will send the recording shortly after the class, plus a transcript of the call shortly a few days later.
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If you haven’t had a chance to watch the first five videos in the series, here are the links:

Myth-Busting Bullying: How Big a Problem Is It Really?

Myth-Busting Bullying: What’s It Really All About?

Myth-Busting Bullying:The Bully is Not the Bad Guy

Myth-Busting Bullying: These Strategies Don’t Work

Myth-Busting Bullying: These Strategies Don’t Work

Just a quick note to let you know I’ve posted  new videos in my series “Myth-Busting Bullying.” I hope you have had chance to watch the first three in the series. If not, I’ve listed the links to those videos at the end of this email.

The Good News about bullying is that many parents, educators and community leaders care deeply about the high price of bullying to a child’s self-esteem and are taking action to try to stop this problem that keeps growing.

The Bad News is that many of their efforts are based on faulty understanding about children, bullying, it’s causes and what to do about it. Well-intentioned experts are doing the best they can, yet much of their attention is on the ‘bully” and the “bystanders,’ and their strategies are often based on false assumptions about how to prevent bullying.

In today’s two videos, I share 3 common strategies to stop bullying between children, yet each one has limited effectiveness.

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If you have questions or concerns about bullying and you want practical, do-able strategies that work, you’ll love my class “How to Bully-Proof Your Child and What to Do If It Happens.”

Click here to get more info and register now!

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If you haven’t had a chance to watch the first two videos in the series, here are the links:

Myth-Busting Bullying: How Big a Problem Is It Really?

Myth-Busting Bullying: What’s It Really All About?

Myth-Busting Bullying:The Bully is Not the Bad Guy

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Here is the first video:  Myth-Busting Bullying: These Strategies Don’t Work

Here is the 2nd video: Myth-Busting Bullying: Make More Rules and Policies?

Myth-Busting Bullying:The Bully is Not the ‘Bad’ Guy

Bullying is so intricately tied to how we relate to one another, how we perceive one another, that it is important for every parent to have a clear understanding of the dynamics and causes of bullying.

Today’s video introduces key insights into the relationship between the ‘bully’ and ‘victim’ and how we as parents, educators and society respond to this limiting dynamic.

You’ll discover new ways of perceiving and understanding the relationships between all people of all ages, including your own painful beliefs about situations where you have been bullied..

The video is below.

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If you’d like to know what you can do to empower your child to be more confident with her peers and in other social situations, I invite you to join me for my new teleclass “How to Bully-Proof Your Child and What to Do If It Happens.”

This video series about Myth-Busting Bullying is the beginning content of the class in which you will discover:

  • A major cause of bullying that most experts overlook. You will be surprised!
  • Strategies to empower your child socially so she is less vulnerable to being bullied
  • The most important thing you can do to support your child to tell you when he’s been bullied. This is SO important!
  • How to best help your child respond to bullying – what works and what doesn’t

Click here to register and get more info.

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If you haven’t had a chance to watch the first two videos in the series, here are the links:

Myth-Busting Bullying: How Big a Problem Is It Really?

Myth-Busting Bullying: What’s It Really All About?

Has anyone ever told you that you were doing something ‘bad,’ and you were just doing the best you could at the time? Let us know in Comments below.