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Don’t Bail on Yourself and Your Child’s Unique Inner Brilliance!

February 13, 2014 By Connie Allen Leave a Comment

You’re busy. I”d have to have my eyes closed not to see that. There’s feeding, clothing, cleaning, getting your kids out the door in the morning and to be at night, arranging play dates, showing up for sports events, managing the hurts and bumps of life.

Add to this taking care of yourself, which includes all of the above plus your career, staying healthy and in shape, your friends, your parents on both sides, time with your partner, taking care of your home.

I’m sure I left some things out here, but it’s easy to see why you’re often exhausted at the end of the day. These things seem to take all the bandwidth you have.

Yet there are some Big Picture Essentials not listed above: you and your child’s happiness and joy, the emotional connection you have with each of your children, your child’s self-confidence, social skills, her comfort in her own skin, his courage, compassion, and unique Inner Brilliance.

These provide the emotional environment and foundation, in which everything else happens.

When do you find time for these? If you’re like most parents, you keep meaning to get to them, to take some time to reflect and make some needed changes while days and weeks pass by unnoticed.

I believe these Big Picture Essentials are the most important place for us as parents and grandparents to keep our focus. They need to be our highest priority.

You know you’ll get your kids fed and you’ll make it out the door. It’s these Essentials that determine whether you do so joyously and easily or whether it’s a conflict or struggle.

If you’re ready to show up for these Big Picture Essentials, I invite you to be a part of my FR^EE ‘Nurture Your Family Virtual Retreat’ this Saturday, February 15.

It’s only a two hour process with a short call at the beginning of each hour, in which I share information and exercises for you to do the remainder of the hour. ..Two hours and you will have spent quality time with yourself, reflecting on what really matters for yourself and your family.

Of course, if you can’t be on the calls live, I will email you the audio links afterward.

We’d love to have you join us!

Click here to find out more and register.

Filed Under: Children, Education, Grandparenting, Loving Yourself, Parenting, Uncategorized Tagged With: child, conflict, creativity, emotional well being, fathering, self-confidence, self-esteem, self-expression, social skills

Play Dough ‘Ignited’ My Granddaughter!

February 11, 2014 By Connie Allen 2 Comments

I had the most wonderful experience with 3.5-year-old Madison yesterday that filled us both with such joy. In an email I received from The Artful Parent blog, I was reminded how much kids love play dough. Madi and I hadn’t played with it before, so I decided to make some with her.

After a pretty uneventful process of making it (she kept asking if she could taste it, remembering all the yummy things we have made previously!), we dumped all of it on a plastic tablecloth on the living room rug. Within moments, she began making a big, fat pancake with all of the dough and then folding it, every minute becoming more vibrant and animated.

Then she got the idea she’d like to cut it and ran into the kitchen to get ‘her knife,’ which cuts almost nothing but play dough. Together we made fudge and marshmallows, all of which had to be fed to her baby.

The entire time she was breathing more heavily than usual and sharing how much fun she was having. There was an intensity, a confidence, a certainty, a positive power I don’t think I’ve ever seen in her before, and she is not usually a cautious, held-back girl. She was passionately ‘on fire’ and I was blown away.

Later when we got in the car, she told me, “Grandma, you are the most wonderful grandma I ever saw.” Said with heart-felt appreciation. The play dough was the perfect thing at the perfect time. I can hardly wait to play with her again!

Nurturing children’s Inner Brilliance is the most impactful, joyful gift we can give children, whether it looks like cutting play dough together, listening to their concerns or wants, or setting limits. When we focus on supporting our kids’ Inner Brilliance, we are on-track to bring out the very best in them.

If this is a priority for you also, I invite you to attend my FRE^E annual ‘Nurture Your Family Virtual Retreat’ where you’ll have the opportunity to explore ways you can nurture your child’s Inner Brilliance and create truly joyous relationships with him /her.

We’ll meet via a phone conference line and our three calls will be recorded. By registering, you’ll be able to get the recordings shortly after the retreat and listen and do the exercises at a convenient time for you.

Click here to find out more and to sign up.

Feel free to share this anyone whom you feel might be interested. Thanks so much for spreading the word!!

I’m sure you’ve had a similar, magical experience with a child. Would you please share it with us ?

Filed Under: Children, Education, Fun, Grandparenting, Loving Yourself, Parenting Tagged With: autonomy, child, Children, fathering, Grandparenting, Parenting, self-confidence, self-esteem, self-expression

Back to Basics

January 23, 2014 By Connie Allen Leave a Comment

When Doug and I were ending our fun, relaxing adventure in Vietnam several weeks ago, I looked forward to easing back into our life in California. No push, simply enjoying.

But this was not to be. A series of unexpected events – getting sick from the food on the flight home, complications purchasing the ranch where we board our horses, and a very sick, much-loved kitty – all combined to make for a hugely stressful, painful time for me. I am just now beginning to get my feet under me and in a stronger, more joyous way.

During those overwhelming days, I discovered a lot about myself, my beliefs and fears, and how I live my life, some that were not so fun to look at. The bottom line is I have chosen to get back to basics, to what’s really important to me, and to lay an even more solid foundation for myself.

You see, what really matters most to me is to have fun, be happy, live true to who I am, and to deeply enjoy and cherish the much-loved people in my life.

Losing our precious Momma Kat brought me to my knees and taught me so much. During her lifetime, she chose to move from being a feral cat who barely let us see her, to having kittens in our tack room at the ranch, to her living contentedly in our home with us. Our time together was filled with powerful, heart-touching memories.

Yet there were too many times I took her for granted, didn’t pet her as much as we both wanted, didn’t make the time. And now she’s gone…no more second chances or tomorrows. Makes my heart hurt.

I spent many loving, heart-fulfilling hours with her during the last 11 years and especially during those last few weeks as she purred contentedly . Now I’m learning to accept the missed opportunities and to treasure our memories and time shared. What a precious kitty she was!

I don’t want to repeat this pattern again! Throughout the years, I’ve done this too many times, suddenly losing someone dear to me and feeling I didn’t enjoy and love them enough while they were still here.

I am a creative person. I love imagining and creating fun experiences. I love all the wondrousness of life! Yet, too often, those joyous ‘to do’s’ become ‘have to’s’, the joy gone, and I’m not present with my loved ones as much as I truly want.

I observe most of us go through life believing there will be a tomorrow. That our wonderful son, daughter, partner, parent, ourselves, will still be here tomorrow. Just as they are today.

But life doesn’t work like that. None us truly know what the next moment will bring. We anesthetize ourselves to this reality by ignoring it, assuming someone, a way of life will still be there when we awaken the next day.

I’m taking an honest look at my life. What matters most to me. Who and what would I most miss or regret if it were gone in the next breath?

At the top of my list are my happiness and my wonderful family, including our kitty Cassie and our horses Destiny and Echo, and I’m making these a full-on priority.

It’s so easy to be busy. To fill our lives, our children’s lives, our partners lives with things to do and people to see. It’s so easy to take loved ones for granted, to tolerate things and situations we don’t really enjoy or that diminish our aliveness, to get caught in unwanted patterns that repeat over and over.

We thought . . . life by analogy was a journey, was a pilgrimage, which had a serious purpose at the end. And the thing was to get to that end. Success, or whatever it is, or maybe heaven after you’re dead. But we missed the point the whole way along. It was a musical thing, and you were supposed to sing, or to dance, while the music was being played. – Alan Watts

I invite you to join me in ‘singing and dancing while the music plays. and asking the really important questions.

What matters most to you? Whom do you want to love and treasure more? What are you going to do differently to live your life more fully?

Filed Under: Children, Grandparenting, Loving Yourself, Parenting, Uncategorized Tagged With: appreciation, authenticity, loss, marriage, Parenting, soul searcing, sttress

Myth-Busting Bullying: The Heart and Soul of Bullying

September 20, 2013 By Connie Allen Leave a Comment

Do you ever stop to consider why kids do and say such mean things to each other? Most parents I talk with about this question shrug their shoulders and reply, ‘I don’t’ know” and dismiss them as ‘mean kids.’

If you’ve been following this series, you know the bully is not the ‘bad guy.’ I find when you simplify things to their most basic and most essential, you discover there are two underlying causes to the bullying trouble.

Here is the last in the series: