The Most Important Parenting Question

July 11, 2012 By 5 Comments

I have a new video for you today that has the power to “rock your world” as my friend Isabel likes to say and in a profoundly positive way.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed with all the things you need to pay attention to as a parent?

Do you ever wonder if you are on the right track as a parent or if there is something more your child needs and wants to develop fully, to be happy, self-confident and self-reliant?

Today’s video will help you cut through all the chatter and conflicting parenting ideas out there. This is the parenting question that is intrinsic to all other parenting questions. It underlies all parenting decisions you make.

Enjoy!

Let me know what you think, and if you like this video, please tell others!

Filed Under: Children, Education, Grandparenting, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

The Passing of a Leading Light for Children and Parents

May 13, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Some of you may know of her or have read her book. Some of you will never have heard of her.

I discovered Jean Liedloff, author of The Continuum Concept: In Search of Happiness Lost, shortly after my son Orion was born 35 years ago. Her book profoundly impacted me because she confirmed and validated what I already envisioned as a parent.

She inspired me and gave me the courage to continue on the path I had begun. For this, I am deeply appreciative.

For two years as a young woman, Jean lived with Stone Age Indians in the South American rainforest. At first judgmental of their seemingly primitive and inadequate parenting, she discovered a new view of what human nature really is and what our children most need from us. She realized the limitations of our Western, ‘civilized’ ways of parenting.

Here is a must-see video that will most-likely challenge what you believe to be true as a parent and give you profound new insights in perceiving your child. Even if you are the parent of a teen or an adult child, you can learn a lot from this wise woman of our time.

The video is 53 minutes, and it is worth every second. Don’t let this go by! Create a time this weekend to watch it all. Share it with your partner. Let it make a difference in your life!

Watch the video here.

Enjoy!

Filed Under: Books, Children, Grandparenting, Parenting, Parenting Tips Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

How Children Learn Best

May 13, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I had my 3-year-old grandson Sebastian here this week for our usual Tuesday time together. I always enjoy watching his enthusiasm to explore and create.

As I observed and played with him, I discovered something interesting about what he does when he creates, aka plays.

We have a rich variety of cool stuff at our place – two “hick-up’s” (Bas’s word for ‘pick-up’), lots of tools, ropes, bungee cords, a wood pile, all of which invite creating boy-style.

After sitting in the cab of our blue “hick-up” for a while and turning the dials, he asks to look at the area between the seats, an area filled with fascinating tools to explore. He spots the bungee cords, takes the red one, and walks to the back of the truck to find some way to use it, something to hook it to.

The tie-down’s around the pick-up bed are the perfect place. He asks me to lift him into the back of the truck where he hooks one end and then looks for a place to hook the other end. He tries several possibilities and the cord won’t stretch far enough.

Back to the other bungee cords, longer ones. He discovers the white bungee cords will stretch between two of the tie-downs’s on one side. Next question he asks, “What can I do with this?”

“Ah, I can use it to help me climb up the tire and get in and out of the truck by myself”. He repeats this several times. New hand-holds are discovered and he’s quickly swinging his leg over the top to get in.

Back to the other bungee cords and the process continues until he has 4 bungee cords fastened to 4 tie-down’s. Again he asks, “What can I do with this?”

“Connie, put my cycle (his Big Wheels) in here.”

Now he finds places to hook the unfastened ends of the bungee cords to his bike.

And so it goes. He finds tools (stuff in his physical environment) that catches his eyes and then explores ways to use them. He is in a constant state of exploration and discovery. The question he always seems to be asking is “What can I do with this? How can I use it?”

Thus, he develops both coordination and understanding about our physical world. His curiosity and experimentation motivate him and keep him inspired to discover more principles of our physical world, all of which will keep him safe and help him function successfully the rest of his life.

This is learning at it’s best. In fact, this natural, self-driven way of learning is the best way for children of all ages to learn. He asks questions and finds answers through experimentation, just like any good scientist.

What happens to this natural curiosity and drive to learn as children grow older? Why do children seem to stop being interested in learning and to need the external motivation of grades and gold stars? The answer – we adults believe we need to “teach” them in order for them to learn.

Not true! The best way for children of all ages to learn is finding answers to self-created questions.

How have you created an environment in which your child’s natural curiosity and experimentation have flourished? What could you create to nurture his learning from the inside out?

Please write in the comment space below and share with me what inspires your child, what you’ve done to nurture her interests, or what you’re going to do after reading this article.

Filed Under: Children, Current Affairs, Education, Grandparenting, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

Another Perspective on Video Games

March 16, 2011 By Leave a Comment

A friend recently shared the following excerpt from “Everything Bad Is Good For You” by Steven Johnson. It is a spoof on articles decrying video games, based on a fantasy that video games came before reading.

“Reading books chronically under stimulates the senses. Unlike the longstanding tradition of game playing – which engages the child in a vivid, three dimensional world filled with moving images and musical soundscapes, navigated and controlled with complex muscular movements – books are simply a barren string of words on the page. Only a small portion of the brain devoted to processing written language is activated during reading, while games engage the full range of the sensory and motor cortices.

“Books are also tragically isolating. While games have for many years engaged the young in complex social relationships with their peers, building and exploring worlds together, books force the child to sequester him or herself in a quiet space, shut off from interaction with other children. These new “libraries” that have arisen in recent years to facilitate reading activities are a frightening sight: dozens of young children, normally so vivacious and socially interactive, sitting alone in cubicles, reading silently, oblivious to their peers.

“Many children enjoy reading books, of course, and no doubt some of the flights of fancy conveyed by reading have their escapist merits. But for a sizeable percentage of the population, books are downright discriminatory. The reading craze of recent years cruelly taunts the 10 million Americans who suffer from dyslexia – a condition that didn’t even exist as a condition until printed text came along to stigmatize its sufferers.

“But perhaps the most dangerous property of these books is the fact that they follow a fixed linear path. You can’t control their narratives in any fashion – you simply sit back and have the story dictated to you. For those of us raised on interactive narratives, this property may seem astonishing. Why would anyone want to embark on an adventure utterly choreographed by another person?

But today’s generation embarks on such adventures millions of times a day. This risks instilling a general passivity in our children, making them feel as though they’re powerless to change their circumstances. Reading is not an active, participatory process; it’s a submissive one. The book readers of the younger generation are learning “follow the plot” instead of learning to lead.”

I love this spoof on reading! Brilliant! Cultural criticism of video games is over-rated and is not as harmful as many “adults” fear, often because it’s new and appeals to a new generation who require new skills and ways of being.

Perhaps it is not ‘either-or’ but ‘both-and’ with value from both reading and video games. I always love the quote from “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran where he talks about children:

“You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of to-morrow, which you
cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”

May we as adults create the lives that are ours to live and allow children the freedom and respect to create the lives that are theirs to live, without with perpetual doom-saying about the next younger generation.

The operative word here is “trust.”

Filed Under: Books, Children, Current Affairs, Education, Grandparenting, Parenting, Parenting Tips Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

School is a High-Pressure Activity for Children

September 16, 2010 By Leave a Comment

Children are natural learners as witnessed by their amazing ability to learn to walk, talk, reason, figure things out, imagine new realities – all by the age of 3 and without the benefit of a ‘credentialed teacher.’ Children are naturally curious and are hard-wired to learn and to want to learn.

Yet research shows that by 3rd grade most children have lost their love of learning, their innate drive to learn. Why is this? What happens in school that makes it limiting of chilldren’s natural desires and abilities?

Schools get a lot of criticism these days, mostly because students are not learning so we’re placing more pressure on schools to produce academically. Schools feel the need to teach to the test, everyone working toward the seemingly all-important test scores.

Yet I believe that the biggest determiner of a child’s ability to learn and ultimately succeed in life is their Emotional Wholeness, their emotional well-being, their confidence, connection with themselves and others, and their love of learning, not their grades or test scores.

Schools place demands, expectations and challenging situations on children, which take them away from their natural abilities to learn. I’m concerned that many of the ‘high expectations’ can actually be a deterrent to a child’s happiness and ability and desire to learn.

The other day I started thinking about all the ways that children feel pressure by participation in school. Here are the ones I’ve thought of so far and not in any particular order. Please add your own to this list.

Important Note: I am not saying these apply to all schools. There are many innovative, child-centered programs. Still, I believe all of the following are cause for concern.

~ Dealing with lots of people and social interaction within a relatively small space, aka ‘crowding’

~ Have to sit in desks, uninteresting circle times for often long periods of time – even if you love to move, need to move to learn and be happy.

~ Pressure to conform and fit in with her peers so it is difficult to be himself

~ Expectations to learn information up to specified standard within a given time frame, whether it is interesting to you or not, whether it is easy or difficult

~ Expectations to master skills and information even when not developmentally ready

~ Pressure to earn high grades from teachers and fellow students [Read more…]

Filed Under: Children, Current Affairs, Education, Parenting, Parenting Tips Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,
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