We have an older kittie at the ranch where we board our horses whom I’ve named Sandy. We know nothing about her history, but she has been at the ranch since we arrived 5 years ago. She’s very friendly and has a timeless, ageless quality about her.

She’s a basic looking cat with all the cat parts without the cuteness or beauty one usually sees in kitties. In fact, you might even say she is plain with a coat of blended back and gray without a faint striped pattern. She has skinny bowed legs that look as if she’s been riding a horse for too long.

Sandy’s beauty is easy to overlook because there is really nothing physical that is outstanding about her. Yet when you look beneath the surface, her beauty radiates brightly.

Sandy has a heart of gold. While other cats are sometimes aloof, timid or not in the mood, she is always friendly and eager to being petted. She settles into your arms and trusts you to take her almost anywhere. She is truly a good-hearted, loving soul-always.

Sandy is also a phenomenal communicator. She meows a lot to say “hello” when I arrive at the ranch and makes it clear when she needs to be fed. Granted, this sounds like pretty “normal” cat behavior.

However, I’ve had interactions with Sandy that amaze and fascinate me with her ability to communicate her needs and desires. The most frequent communication has to do wanting clear, fresh water in the water bowl near our tack room.

One thing you need to understand is the cats, many of whom are wild and feral, share the water bowl with the equally wild and feral chickens at the ranch. Chickens are not as dainty and fastidious about having clean water. In fact, they often scratch dirt into the water in their search for food.

Sandy is the spokescat for the group, waiting by the water bowl and making sure I see the dirty water as I pass by cleaning Destiny’s stall. After she has successfully gotten me to put fresh water in the bowl, she immediately begins drinking.

Another more fascinating story occurred a few weeks ago. We feed Sandy and a couple of other cats in our tack room, which is about 15 feet from Destiny’s stall. One morning after feeding the kitties, I went into Destiny’s stall to clean. After a few minutes, I hear a meow that was intended for me.

I look up, and there is Sandy, standing in the doorway and looking at me with sincere interest and attention. She meows a few more times as I continue to clean the stall, pausing only to say, “Hello.”

After a while, it dawns on me this is unusual behavior for her. I realize she is trying to tell me something and begin to walk toward her. As I do, she walks toward the tack room with me in tow.

Moments before we arrive, I think, “The chickens are in the tack room eating the cat food.” Sandy stops as we reach the open tack room door, and looks back at me pointedly as if to say, “Look at this. Would you please handle this situation?”

From now on, I pay a lot more attention to what Sandy tells me plus I appreciate her beautiful, innocent spirit that greets me every morning.  I realize she is much smarter and more capable than I previously believed.

Sandy is like your child, communicating with you whether you pay attention or not. She is also like your child when her beautiful, innocent, loving spirit greets you every morning. Treasure and enjoy your amazing child you have been given.

In the last couple of weeks, my husband Doug and I laid 1300 bricks in our front yard as part of our landscaping project. 1300 bricks weigh about 9000 pounds and we handled each brick three or more times. That’s a lot of weight lifting!

We were amazed how easily and effortlessly we handled so much weight in a day. One day we laid 700 bricks, each weighing 6 pounds and handled them four times for a total of 16,800 pounds. This means we each lifted 8,400 pounds that day, which is a little over 4 tons each. Unfathomable!

It would have been impossible for us to lift 4 tons at one time, but brick by brick it was possible. When I shared this story with a friend, she said, “Now you know how the Great Wall was built.” Great things are created step by step.

The same is true of any project in life, including making an improvement in a relationship with someone you love. When things aren’t going the way we want with our child or a loved one, we always want it resolved immediately.

We feel we can’t put up with it another minute, and we push things and try to make changes happen quickly. We want our child or ourselves to change our behavior patterns immediately, and we become frustrated and irritated when we see the old behavior patterns appear after we thought we had them licked.

Small, seemingly insignificant steps forward create massive achievements, and it’s really the only way this happens. Look for these small steps and celebrate your child’s or your own forward movement. Whenever you criticize for imperfection, you slow down the process forward, if not halting it completely.

When you find yourself feeling impatient with someone or something in your life not changing quickly enough, think of the Great Wall or of Doug and I lifting over 4 tons in eight hours. Remind yourself how significant change occurs. It’s brick by brick and step by step.

   

Yesterday morning at the ranch where we keep our horses I witnessed a scene I often see happen in interactions between horses and their owners and between adults and children. I heard a horse owner, whom I will call Judy, firmly tell her horse, “Walk! Walk!”

I think to myself, “What a great clear instruction she just gave!” I expected to look over and see her horse walking cooperatively and calmly beside her. Instead, Judy’s horse is 6 or 7 feet ahead of her, and Judy is tugging on the lead rope, trying to get her horse to stop.

I know you’re hanging on the edge of your seat wondering what happened next! Well, the horse calmly walked forward, leading Judy behind her! End of story!

What is the pattern that just got reinforced here? When Judy says, “Walk,” it means nothing and probably means, “keep walking.” In fact, Judy’s horse may extend this pattern further to include everything Judy says whether she’s leading or riding. Her horse will likely act as if almost anything Judy says means nothing It may even include instruction from all humans.

This is not an argument to be firm and tough with horses or children. Quite the contrary. My message here is to make sure you mean what you say, and be prepared to follow through with appropriate, clear, firm action if you are ignored. (If you want more information about this, go to my audio programs / CD’s about “Why Johnny Doesn’t Listen and What You Can Do about It” and “Create Win-Win Agreements with Children.”)

Often parents and educators tell children too many different things as they micro-manage their child’s every action. Neither the child nor the parent can follow through on everything, and parents are often not committed to what they say.

Training a horse and raising a child are very different activities. However, some principles apply to both, and this is one of them. When you are unclear where you stand as a person, you create confusion, frustration, and power struggles for yourself, your child, and your horse.

Be clear when you need to say, “no”, and be prepared to follow through with action.

PS. After writing this, I have decided to make an audio program / CD about “Setting Limits without Limiting.” I’ve been putting this off, and I want to make it soon. Watch my newsletter "Joy with Children" (subscribe) or this blog for the announcement of when it’s ready.