Every parent wants their child to be happy. Every educator wants their students to love learning. In fact, it is one of the driving desires that affects the choices parents make regarding their child. Yet, how much do you know about what makes your child and students deeply happy and content?

At this time of year, we act as if the secret to happiness is material possessions for both our children and ourselves. We buy toys and designer clothes on their wish list, only to find them tossed aside tomorrow or strung out over their bedroom floor.

Other times parents and educators act as if saying nice, encouraging things paves the road to happiness for children. Parents often put a lot of energy and effort into saying the "right" things to keep their child happy.

Other times we act as if we believe activity is the key to happiness and joy for our children. We drive them to classes and play dates, without really noticing if our child is happy or not.

You may think your child is happy even though she is struggling inside emotionally. What I’ve found is that our society we don’t know a lot about emotional wellness. Consequently, you may miss the clues your child gives you about how she really feels inside. Children pretend to be happy and smile even when that is not what they are feeling.

Your child’s happiness doesn’t depend on material possessions, kind words from others, or specific activities. His happiness comes from feeling certain and clear in who he is and making choices that reflect his personal integrity.

Happiness comes from knowing that she belongs, that she is deeply loved by the important people in her life. It comes from knowing she is respected and valued for who she is. In other words, your child’s happiness depends on his emotional wholeness.

This is why in all my work we focus exclusively on how to nurture emotional wholeness in your child. Children need love and respect from themselves more than they need love and respect from us. Happiness comes from inner love and respect.

Love Joyously!

So what’s a parent or educator to do?

Make your child’s emotional wholeness one of your highest priorities. Emotional well-being is more important than managing her behavior and making sure she’s doing the right things. It’s emotional well-being that lays the foundation for the great behavior and the wise choices.

When you nurture your child’s emotional wholeness, he glows with joy and a feeling of certainty that is unmistakable to people around him. When you nurture your child’s emotional wholeness, power struggles, tantrums, defiance, depression, anxiety, and a host of other behavioral challenges become things of the past.

When your child lives in a place of her emotional well-being, he flourishes and shines brightly. He radiates beauty, joy, and love from the inside out. This is where it counts!

Are your thoughts, words and actions consistent with the feelings you want to create?

My husband Doug and I love reading books together–I read, he listens. One of our favorite authors is Jennifer Fallon and her science fiction novels based in the land of Hythria.  Her first book is Medalon, followed by Treason Keep and Harshini.

WE LOVE HER BOOKS!! Her storytelling and character development are brilliant. Doug and I are reading book 2 Warrior in her second trilogy about Hythria. We came across the following reflections of a mother and a warlord from another province that clearly demonstrates the power of perception. Here it is…

"Along with all the other reasons Marla wanted to strangle her children at the moment, she was furious at her sons fur pulling this prank while Rogan Bearbow was here to witness it.

" ‘I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong with Damin,’ she said, forcing a laugh she didn’t feel. ‘He’s not normally so … reckless.’

" ‘In reality, Marla had sent Damin to his room to avoid the temptation of strangling him with her bare hands herself. Doesn’t he know the danger? she asked herself, over and over. Haven’t I impressed upon him yet how easy it would be for an assassin to slip a blade between his ribs in a crowded market? Why does he delight in tormenting me like this?

"The warlord nodded sympathetically, ‘It’s dreadful, isn’t it? All that hard work, the tutors, the training…and all you’ve got for your trouble is a very resourceful boy, smart enough to give Krakandar’s finest warriors the slip. A boy who’s so loyal to his friends that he’d rather be punished himself than let the others take the blame for something he was involved in. I can see why you’re so upset with your miserable failure.’

The same behavior from a son, two radically different interpretations. Where can you change your perception of how you see your child or a student? This is true power.