How is Technology Affecting Your Child?

Parents often share with me their concern about their child’s frequent use of technology, their seeming ‘addiction’ to all things virtual – texting, video games, instant messaging, cell phones, game boys in addition to TV and movies.

Recently I came across an article about children and technology by child psychologist and author David Elkind of Tufts University. I’ve always had great respect, affinity and admiration for his ideas and teachings.

In his article, Elkind reflects on the many changes a child experiences because of our technological society…the focus on speed in making things happen, general cultural changes of feeling busier and more rushed to get things done.

Cell phones and IM that feed into the divide between children and their parents because they have easy and immediate access to friends 24 / 7.

Before the digital culture, there was a language and lore of childhood – games, songs, rhymes, stories passed down verbally from generation to generation. Remember “The Itsy, Bitsy Spider?” Now young people have access to information from all over the world with little need or time for such ‘silly games.’

One of the things that most concerns me is the loss of 8 – 12 hours per week of unstructured play and outdoor pastimes. Elkind reminds us “spontaneous play allows children to use their imagination, make and break rules, socialize with each other…nurtures their autonomy and originality.”

These are hugely essential developmental experiences and skills that naturally develop problem-solving skills, social skills, self-expression, deep connection to one’s self, and creativity. If we limit these in our children, we “dumb them down” as author-educator John Taylor Gatto would say, and advance a mindless lack of awareness of self, others, and the realities of life. [Read more…]

Are You Telling Your Child Too Much?

A mompreneur client of mine once shared with me this story about her 7-year-old daughter. She had just finished telling her daughter some info that she thought was important. She was trying to ‘teach’ her child an important idea to help her in life.

After she was finished, her daughter calmly looked at her and explained, “Mom, when you talk to me, all I hear is ‘blah……blah..blah…..blah..blah.”

You might think, “Wow! What a disrespectful daughter…telling her mother something like this AND not even listening!”

Her mom and I heard something different in her daughter’s communication. She told her mom her experience when her mom started ‘teaching’ her and gave her mom valuable feedback about her communication with her daughter, something every mother can use.

Shortly after this, her mom and dad signed up for my Joyous Parenting Training because they realized they needed to learn how to talk so their daughter would listen. In fact, this feedback from her daughter helped my client understand how much her words were ‘missing’ her daughter, which was the opposite of what she wanted.

Many parents believe that telling their child what he should and shouldn’t do will convince their child to do what they say. They believe their words will change their child’s behavior.

Sometimes this is true; but in reality, words seldom affect or change a child’s behavior as her parents hope it will. Often what the child hears is, “blah……blah..blah…..blah..blah.” [Read more…]

A Grandmother’s Delight #1

My grandson Sebastian is now 2 years 9 months old, and I want to share a fun story with you.

One of his great loves is ‘driving’ one of our pick-up trucks. As you can tell from the photo, his scrunched up face indicates the passion and sound effects he puts into it.

One of the things I love about Sebastian and pickup trucks is that for now he calls them ‘hiccup trucks.’ I want him to say it forever since it’s so amazingly cute.

A few weeks ago we’re hiking in Mendocino in the middle of the woods, I think I hear him make a real hiccup sound, and I ask him, “Did I hear a hiccup?”

He instantly stops, looks around carefully, and says, “I don’t see one.”

Cute with a capital C!!

I’ve had to capture his saying this amazing word because I know it won’t last long and he’ll soon be calling them by their proper name – pickup trucks –  so I recorded him saying it.

I’d drive around with him, looking for pickup trucks and trying to get him to say it on my recorder. I was minimally successful. When I didn’t have the recorder, he repeated the magic word numerous times. Recording – I had to work hard to drag it out of him.

Here is a 30-second recording in which he says both ‘hiccup truck’ and his way of saying ‘walkie-talkie.’ Click the link to listen. Enjoy!

Sebastian’s Cutest Words 6-2010

I’d love to hear your stories about about your child’s cutest words! Please share them with me.

Best Protection from Sexual Abuse for Your Child

Yesterday I watched Oprah interview 4 convicted child molesters, 3 of whom molested a family member. I know we’ve all heard horror stories of young children’s violations and the long-term price these young people pay.

This is not one of those stories. This post is about what best protects your child from sexual abuse or any other kind of abuse by others.

I learned several interesting facts I’d like to share with you.

1. Molesters ‘groom’ their targets. They gain their trust by being nice to them then begin touching them in non-sexual ways and gradually moving on to more intimate touching. They consciously manipulate their prey.

2. All four molesters believed they were giving the young children pleasure, not pain. This came as a real shocker to me. Yet when I thought about it, I realized abusers do not have the emotional awareness and maturity to realize the emotional impact of what they are doing.

I see these men as profoundly emotionally injured and hurt little boys, trying to find love and connection in the best way they knew how. They are not bad or mean people. They are confused and hurting people and deserve our compassion. AND this does not make it acceptable in any way that they violated these young people in the ways they did.

Here is the most important information for parents to remember and act upon to best protect your child from sexual abuse:

When these emotionally-hurting men looked around for a young person to molest, they looked for a child who was struggling emotionally and in need of someone to love them. These men looked for anger and retaliation toward their parents and not feeling connected and loved by their parents. [Read more…]

Abusiveness Creates More Abusiveness

My 2.5-year-old grandson Sebastian and I have just arrived at the small neighborhood part down the street. He notices 5 children playing together (probably ages 2 to 7), and he excitedly runs over and greets them, “Hi Kids!”

They look over at him and sarcastically ask, “What’s your name?”

Sebastian proudly points to himself and enthusiastically replies, “I’m Sebastian!”

They erupt into taunting him, with the oldest child a girl, leading the pack, dancing around Bas, repeating his name in a demeaning, teasing way. [Read more…]